she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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