it hurts more in the daytime
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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