My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
