We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
