Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
