i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
