those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize