you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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