Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
