Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
