no, he came in my armpit
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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