My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The adults are the big ones right?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
