when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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