Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize