I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
