If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
