At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
