Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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