Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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