We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize