Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
