First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
