Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
