apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
