Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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