i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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