I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
