Kiss
Puke
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I've blown a few things in my day
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
