Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
