We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
