dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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