How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I looked at my own cervix.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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