I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
