I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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