Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
