i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
