Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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