you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
