Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
