Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
