I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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