I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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