Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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