a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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