no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
