well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
