drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
