am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
