The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
