im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
