I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
