alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
