Whod you bang
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
