Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
