it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
