I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
