New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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