I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
