i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
