Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize