I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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