I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
