I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
