I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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