I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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