Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The beer is more important than you right now.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
