it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
